Sunday night I was at a traditional Post-Turkey Day fiesta with old friends when I was cornered in a bathroom by a girlfriend whom I’ve known since the awkward pre-teen years.
“Something is wrong with you,” she said.
Do not misread that sentence. She did not ask, “What” is wrong with you. She said “Something.”
“I just want to see you happy,” she continued. “You put on a smile but I know you aren’t happy. What are you looking for? I’m tired of seeing you abused and taken advantage of. So what are you looking for? Who are you looking for?
After I stared at her in disbelief for at least 10 seconds, I simply told her, “myself.”
Some of what she said was true. I too was tired of being abused, so I got out of it. Note the use of the word “was.” That part of my life is long over. I’ve worked through it and have never looked back.
And we’ve all been taken advantage of. But the point of that is to start looking at people harder, deeper – all while entertaining the idea that most people are good hearted, and do have good intentions.
It’s great that my long-time friend, (is it OK to call here a “frenemy” at this point?) wants to see my happy. But the main point she was getting at, not so subtly, isn’t true.
For the most part, I am happy. Everyone has their bad days, but I honestly can say (and many friends and family would agree) that I am actually in one of the happiest points in my life.
I’m finally embracing independence and time for myself. I have always had a full social calendar, but when I don’t have plans one night or weekend, I no longer stress about not being around people. Instead, I take advantage, and do something strictly for me.
I still love the girl and always will. But for obvious reasons what she said really irritated me.
The back-story on this group of friends is that most of them have been dating the same people for years. And the people they are dating are the people we grew up with; Mechanicsville – Atlee High School style.
I fully believe in “different strokes for different folks” and so accordingly, if I don’t question her decision to stay in Mechanicsville, buy a house and marry the person she met almost 10 years ago, why is it acceptable to question someone who just isn’t at that point in her life?
Why is it that at only 24-years-old I already feel like the Bridget Jones of the group?
The following Monday night at RPM (cycling for those who don’t know the Les Mills style of group gym classes), the instructor kept encouraging us to push through the pain of heavy gears and high speed by telling us, “You can do it. Your Race, Your Pace.“
That got me thinking. They say, “life’s a journey, not a race,” – or whatever – some version of that.
So why am I being made to feel like I’m in a race against time, and others, to meet somebody “special,” shack up, settle down, throw on a ring and pop out a couple babies before I reach my 30s?
I don’t want to get into divorce rates. Nor do I wish to debate the existence of true love and/or soul mates. It doesn’t matter what I believe in regards to all of that. But what does matter is that friends of mine don’t pressure me to feel like it’s all I have to look forward to – a man, a husband, a co-dependent.
I’m still green in my career; hell I’m still trying to figure out what it is I’m actually GOOD at. Some would agree it’s this. Others would argue it’s beer-bonging (Three seconds flat. Challenge me.)
So I’m choosing to head down this journey of life, love and happiness at my own pace. My Race, My Pace. Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking for love (and probably in all the wrong places – the original “Urban Cowboy,” Johnny Lee, had it right).
But it’s not my only goal or my sole purpose in life.
And speaking of races, I should mention that I’ve decided to run the Shamrock Half Marathon on the weekend of March 20-21 in Virginia Beach. Go team me!
If you were reading this blog last year, you know that I trained for and completed the Monument Ave 10k. And that I started the blog to keep me accountable.
That didn’t happen. But I’m hoping this time it will.
This time I’m sticking to it – the training, the blogging; everything. This time, I also have both strong, supportive writers AND runners on my side (you know who you are.)
It’ll be My Race, My Pace. And hopefully it isn’t too shabby.




The latter is in the works, but my running has really suffered. I thought about trying to get out there and walk tonight, but — (and pardon the TMI) — I haven’t been able to stay out of the bathroom for more than 5 minutes at a time. The only thing I’ve eaten today are two whole grain waffles and a popsicle (the FireCracker kind — F’ yessssss).
Due to these early morning runs, I’ve really gained a new appreciation for the River City. AT 8:15 a.m. on a Saturday morning, I can’t think of any other place I’d rather be than running along the James. It’s absolutely peaceful and I’m starting to wonder why the genius of spending my mornings down there hasn’t struck me before.